You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
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Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
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You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
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