Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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