I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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