My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
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I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
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I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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