Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
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Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
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That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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