I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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