I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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