This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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