He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize