That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
This house was built for laser tag.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
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I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
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I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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