I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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