I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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