New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
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