When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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