mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
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I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
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