Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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