Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
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so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
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