who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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