Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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