Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
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I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
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It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I had to cum in my sink.
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