Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize