Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
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I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
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There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
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