If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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