So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
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No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
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We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
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