I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
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