you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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