I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
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He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
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I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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