My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
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I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
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i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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