why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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