i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
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