This is not my ceiling
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
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