Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
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Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
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I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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