you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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