I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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