He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
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