can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
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i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
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If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
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