Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize