I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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