Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
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Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
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GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
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