Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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