so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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