Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
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