Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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