sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
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About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
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As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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