wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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