Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
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I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
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I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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