he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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