she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
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i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
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i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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