The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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