I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize